It is the eve of Mother's Day. I have been weeding and planting. Joined by my children in planting hope, joy and beauty for the future months.
Food to sustain the body and flowers to sustain the soul.
I am surrounded by people. Yet I am alone.
My mother and grandmothers have passed. My husband and sisters and aunts and friends are busy. We talk, but it's in spurts. My children sit and talk with me for hours. Yet I have no one to share and confide in.
Mothers day arrives. I hate mothers day. Always a reminder of my own inadequacies. A reminder of regrets. A reminder of my own missing mother, not just in body but in relationship. We never were close. And this year a reminder of my missing grandmother. The one who understood and supported me for being me.
Wishing for the day to pass quickly, I fell asleep. At church, something amazing happened. Without asking for it, I felt surrounded, buoyed up, and part of a whole.
It was as if my mother, my grandmothers, and many others were with me, that I was with them, and they were a part of and supporting me.
I saw myself as standing with giants, women of faith who have sustained and nurtured. I felt lifted and emboldened to continue my work, one with God and the Universe.
Throughout the day, I began to see more clearly through Facebook quotes of inspirational men speaking of beloved women.
I am one. Not alone. I am one of many. One with God, one with the earth, one with the universe. I too stand with God as a fighter of entropy, a creator. I too stand with God in creating life. I am one with nature and the universe, taking part in a never ending cycle of birth and death.
I create life. I nurture life. I sustain life.
I fight disease, decay, and destruction.
I bring hope to despair.
I bring enlightenment to confusion.
I bring love to those who feel lost.
To the most innocent of souls and tiniest of bodies I bring peace and comfort, solace and nourishment.
To meager resources I add my time and talents to create nourishing food, a home that is a haven from the world, a yard that produces food and joy.
I may not have someone to confide in, but I am not alone. Standing with God and working shoulder to shoulder with him in this the greatest of works means that I am very much not alone. I am with Him.
And that is enough.
